Argh. If I can only blindfold myself each time I use my tabulas site and scroll down a little (and ignore fugly advertisements), I will feel much better about blogging. Anyhow, in times of unfortunate events, there are still minor hilariety to be found in my daily conversations. The first one was yesterday, when I picked up my phone and was greeted by a frantically screaming banshee.

Whoops. My bad. It was my aunt. The one who went on the US trip with me. She is only slightly a decade older than me and I like to (read: think it is safer to) say she looks younger than her age.

Aunt: MEI MEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Screams*
(Don't ask me why my entire maternal extended family calls me 'mei mei'. I would like to see them continue addressing me this way when I am like, 50 years old and watch surrounding people puke in disgust.)

Me: What? What?
Aunt: I was mistaken for a prostitute!!!!!!!!!!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA *rolls on the floor*

Apparently, she was in geylang waiting for her husband to buy malay rice in a coffee shop, so she sat outside a table. A man in his 40s came by and inquired her services.

HM (Horny man): Xiao jie, ni kai shi zhuo gong le mei you? (Have you started working?)
Aunt: Huh?
HM: Ji shi kai shi zhuo gong? (When are you starting work?)
Aunt: What? (I just got let off work what. duh!)
HM: Ni zhuo zai wai mian na jian ma? (Are you working at the branch outside?)
Aunt: ... (Comprehension seeped in)

A moment of silence.

HM: KUI LUI??? (How much??????)
Aunt: LE SIAO AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Stares at him fiercely and HM backed off)

I spent a full 5 minutes laughing on the phone.

Another mildly amusing conversation stemmed from a lunch mate I had this afternoon. I was telling him I am mildly anemic...

Me: Most girls have anemia… lack of iron
LP: Har? Is it? Why?
Me: Why what?
LP: Why most girls have lack of iron? Girls only ah.
Me: .. you really don't know or fake one...
LP: No what. Guys also can have lack of iron.
Me: But girls are more proned la!!!!
LP: Why!!
Me: Because girls lose blood every month. (I thought it was pretty obvious.)
LP: Guys also what.
Me: ... (Too stunned already)

(Silence)
Me: You tio kan-ned by parang every month is it? That's why you lose blood every month.
LP: No mah. Guys can have menses.
Me: ..
LP: Or we pang sai (read: shit) got blood.
Me: ..
LP: Sometimes we heaty ah, pang sai damn pain, then got blood.

I hope you lost all urge to eat, like I did. *muahaha*

Posted at 02:32 PM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 6 beanoes

Pardon my lag of interest in blogging here. The distaste for the hideous ads above, multiplied by my ever-increasing workload has completely diluted my motivation to write.

Anyway, last night, after a tiring day at school, I arrived home to find a magazine delivery on my bed. Thinking it was my weekly subscription of 8 days, I happily ripped it open... to find a bulletin from SDU (Social Development Unit) instead. Most graduates will find themselves automatic members of the unit unless they have married or opt-out of the scheme. Usually, I will toss these mailers into the bin because I detest being coerced into any social contracts by evil conniving messages trying to frighten and dig out your hidden fears of loneliness (but masquerading as pretty pictures of blissful couples).

As I was contemplating whether to laugh or to cry at the "Instructions on what to do on a date", a little black book fell out of the package. How clever! SDU decided to send us all a little black book, much like the little black book of treasures you see in movies, containing lists and lists of names and numbers.

Except... the little black book is empty! (What's the point?)

Get your own numbers, you say? Well, in this tech-savvy age, I daresay nobody owns a telephone-number book anymore. Everyone records telephone numbers in their reliable and handy cellular phones. In fact, I bet none of you out there will remember more than 5 handphone numbers should you lose your phone! Aha! See how vulnerable you are.

Anyhoo, my point is, if SDU wants to give us a little black book, I say, give us a nice handy cellular instead! Or a big discount on handphones, also can lah.

Posted at 10:07 AM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 6 beanoes