One day, my mother bought a box of cereal which came with a small magnetic board and marker pen for the refrigerator. So, I took it out, stick it on the fridge and dwiddled stuff that inspired healthy thoughts. Like, a rabbit philosophically reminding,"Think before you open that fridge."

Occasionally, when I was bored, I would clean off my previous drawings and doodle new characters. It is interesting to see how people react to the characters and the subsequent invoking of their creativity.

One time, I drew Mister Toto.

My mother came along, shook her head and said,"This does not look like Toto at all." She took the duster, clean some parts away and tried to "improve" on Mister Toto's portrait.

Sausagelips came along and secretly added,"I am stupid and ugly" to Toto's portrait.

I came along again. Discovered the stupid graffiti by Sausagelips, tut-tuted at his jealousy of Toto's intelligence and looks, and modified the words to "I am handsome and intelligent."

So there.

2 nights ago, I went downstairs to get a drink and decided to give a friendly reminder to my family to eat healthier. So, I decided to draw an onion character that dishes out food advices...somewhere along the line of this:



( Of course, the drawings has only black ink lah. No color one. )

However, the marker pen suddenly decided to go on strike and stopped spoutting ink in the midst of my drawing. Hence, my half finished looked something like this:



Ahh well, I thought. I would continue with Mister Onion tomorrow then. And, I went to sleep.

The flurry of activities the next day caused me to forgot entirely about the existence of Mister Onion until I came back from school in the evening. Thirsty for some water, I opened the fridge and was stopped by this:



Mister Onion has become Mister Moneybag.

Apparently, my maid came along and she thought my half-completed onion is a bag for containing money. So, she took the pen and added the money sign.

Now, my mother is laughing at my ugly and uncharacteristic onion.

Hmpf!


Posted at 11:24 AM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 5 beanoes

It is great to belong to a church because no matter how you suck, your fellow churchmates will sympathise, empathise, and see only the best side of you! Isn't it amazing?!

Jerry Ong was amazingly, disgustingly, absurdly the worst among all the contestants yesterday and yet, again - he has survived another round of voting. I am incredulous. I like many contestants and I often have trouble deciding who to vote for, subsequently not voting at all. If there is a vote out system, there is NO DOUBT, I will pay at least 10 bucks to vote him out. It is an embarassment if he is to represent Singapore when there are really better singers out there on our little island.

I don't care if he is a damn nice guy!! You are not supposed to vote for him because he is NICE!? You are supposed to vote for an idol, with charisma and talent!!! So what if he is a christian, is a religious person or whatsoever?! We are not voting for Mister Nice GUY!? GAH!

If he survives next week voting, I am going to boycott the show. Yuckypoo.
Posted at 12:46 AM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 3 beanoes

We joined a ridiculously long queue to pay for our miserable bottle of orange juice at a particular busy Cheers outlet. Everything was prim and proper, fine and dainty, until a lady came towards an impressionable young boy right in front of me. The boy is at the age whereby you can coerce him to do almost anything - like murdering someone for instance - if you are able to sweet-talk and coax. So this lady - I would like to use the word 'unscruplous' - seemed to be able to note this vulnerability in the particular young boy and zoomed onto him.

Unscruplous lady: Hi! Can I trouble you to help me pay for this bottle of soy drink, please? *Bright Bright Smile*

The young boy looks unsure - like a prey cornered by a predator. Unsurprisingly, he nodded his head quietly. I pouted and grumbled softly to Sausagelips,"Wah lao. She cut queue one."

Unlike me, who prefers peace and no trouble, sausagelips has a knack for creating chaos. So...

Unscruplous lady (UL): (To the impressionable young boy) Thanks ah! So sorry for the trouble ah.
Sausagelips (SL): (Loud enough for all to hear) Well, you should apologise to me and all the people behind because you just cut all of our queue, not him.

The unscruplous lady looked shocked.

SL: Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? Not queuing up like the rest of us?
UL: (Recovering from shock) No. I am not ashamed. Why should I be?
SL: Well, you are cutting queue!
UL: I am asking him for a flavour what!

Now, sausagelips has an irritating habit for correcting people's mispronounciation. I have been his victim for all my life I have known him, and this is the first time ever I found his penchant for perfect pronounciation mildly hilarious.

SL: FLAVOUR? What do you mean flavour? Are you asking him for chocolate flavour? Or strawberry flavour?

I was actually trying not to smile in such serious situation so I turned away. I was certain the lady has no idea that sausagelips was even mocking her so she turned away too. But then, she mumbled,"so rude!"

Again, that is quite a stupid gesture because you have just contradicted yourself. How can you say someone is rude when you have just cut the queue yourself?! Amazing! Look at it this way, if someone is using having a phone conversation during a movie, and there are people who hushed him and shouted him to get out of the cinema..are these people then considered rude?

So her words just psyched sausagelips even more.

SL: (In a louder voice than ever) RUDE? Who are you calling rude? You have cut the queue of so many people! (Turned and projected his voice to the queue behind) And you are calling me rude?!

At this point of time, the lady seemed to has nothing to retort back. Further, she seemed to fear the wrath from the rest of the queue, so she silently went away from the boy to the side and sulked.

Still, she successfully cut the queue and bought her bottle of drink. Gah.
Posted at 01:34 AM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 5 beanoes

I was standing at the far end of the bathroom when the door creaked open slowly.

In trepidation, I saw a hint of Sadako-lookalike from the narrow door opening. It was crawling awkwardly.

Strangely, after realising it was a Sadako-lookalike, I was extremely calm. I kept telling myself:

Keep Calm. Keep Calm.

Aim for the head! Aim for the head!

Just as I swung my leg back to kick the disastrous-hair ghoul........

I woke up.

So wasted! Could have been a heroine!!

Anyway, I told Sandy about my dream and she advised that my dream could be due to my subconsciousness. So I tried to recall....

Apparently, the last time I thought of Sadako was when I was walking around my house. I thought I saw someone with long black hair in the mirror and my hair all stood up. Sadako!!! (Or her clones)

So yeah, I speedily turned around, only to realize it is me. I had just had my hair dyed a dark shade of brown. almost black. So yeah. Wasted a few heartbeats being scared by myself. So I construed my dream Sadako has being me, and I wanted to kick myself because I had been so muddle-headed lately. So, that explains why I am not afraid of my dream Sadako at all.

Wahahaha. I can analyze dreams!!

********

On other matters, I set up messenger from my mum. It is cool because she can nag at me via the computer, rather than shouting down at me. She can save her vocal chords, and I can save my ear drums! Hooray.

Now, let's look at our typical conversations.

mummy steady bom pi pi says:
You can see me ? sure not !
super muddlehead says:
the picture of u is a ball
mummy steady bom pi pi says:
okie I understand, take another design
mummy steady bom pi pi says:
Duckie ok
super muddlehead says:
mummy duck
mummy steady bom pi pi says:
DOGGIE
super muddlehead says:
ha
mummy steady bom pi pi says:
Handsome right but not better than our TOTO
mummy steady bom pi pi says:
Dont let hime hear it

Warped eh!
Posted at 04:35 PM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 4 beanoes

Jerry's OUT!

Yay. I have nothing against him, honestly. Just his voice and the unjustice in his ability to boot out some of the more worthy singers. In fact, I think he is a really nice guy and his exit video clip almost made me felt sympathy for his plight. So many people hated him! Tsk. Maybe he should have just pulled out of the contest, like one of the girls. After all, it is not his fault that people (erm, his church members probably) kept voting for him.

Anyway, since he is out...I shall not boycott the show then. Ha. (Like it matters, anyway)
Posted at 01:55 AM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 2 beanoes

I am beginning to suspect the bus stops are where weirdoes gather to flaunt their warpness. Many people (including his mama), encountered strange beings at bus terminals, bus stops, etc. Could it be the diesel pollution?

Today, I was waiting for the shuttle bus at a bus stop outside NUS. I plonked myself on a bench, right next to a harmless-looking girl. I had to look to my right, as the bus would approaching from that direction.

Unfortunately, my eye direction laid on a weird bookish-looking China man. Actually, he looked really normal. However, he started to giggle suddenly.

I was mildly startled because there wasn't anything funny visible to me. Besides, men don't giggle!

He started on his strange sequence of actions.

Firstly, he took out a novel, flipped a few pages. And he giggled. He threw the book back into his bag and shook his head.

He turned his head to the left and stole a few glances at me and the girl. This is totally weird because the bus is coming from the right. He was not supposed to look at the left because it is not logical. As always, I am the more unfortunate of us two, because I was on the side of the bench nearer to him. If he were to go berserk and strangle someone, I would be the most apparent victim.

He began smelling his hands. Yes! He put his fingers near his nostrils and sniffed them intensively. And he giggled. Again.

Out came the novel once more. He flipped them hurriedly and pushed it into his bag again. It seemed as if he was really stressed up (with studying, perhaps?) and was engaging in some compulsive behaviour.

Then, he started to use his fingers to pry into his teeth, rather similar to those uncle ah bengs who pick on their canines after a hearty meal. So he poked around his teeth for a good one minute... and he stuck his fingers into his nostrils for a sniff!!!!!!!!!

For a moment, I was grossed-out speechless and I decided to whip out my phone for a change of attention focus.

Eventually, the bus came... but he took the same bus as us! I settled myself on two seats to ensure there is no opportunity of him getting anywhere near me.

***

Anyway, I am curious.

Today, being a rainy day, I decided it is too cold for Toto to drink his iced water after his run. Thus, (being the thoughtful owner) I refilled his dish with some slightly lukewarm water, and he plain refused to drink!!

Does anyone know of any dogs that drink warm water?
Posted at 11:20 PM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 4 beanoes

My aunt went over to Indonesia to visit her hubby, and left two cousins for us to babysit. I have babysat several cousins before, but none are as trying as these two pesks-from-inquisitive-kids-hell.

Both of them, Rachel and Esther, do not speak like normal human beings because instead of speaking, they actually communicate by asking questions. So, their every statement starts with "Is it.....?" or "Why....?".

Scenario #1 - Watching Survivor on Friday night. Cousins squabbled over which sofa to sit in before finally deciding to squash with me in a single-seated sofa.

Esther: Jie jie, what are they doing?
Me: They are having a competition.
Esther: Why are they eating leaves?
Me: Because they have nothing to eat. They are trapped on the island.
Esther: Why don't they bring some seeds to plant?
Me: Because they are not allowed to.
Esther: Why are they not allowed to?
Me: Because it is part of the game lor. (Losing patience)
Esther: Why is it part of the game?
Me: I don't know lah! Ask your mother!!!

Okie, see. After much experience, I have learnt that there are several ways to end such irritating conversations, and I found the generosity within me to share it with an audience to spare them from future such torture . The above - ASK YOUR MOTHER! - is one way.

Solution #1 - The "Because" Solution
This occured when I was telling them bedtime stories. The farm described in the story has a Mrs Cow, Mrs Goose and a Mrs Pig.

Rachel: Where is Mrs Dog?
Me: There is no Mrs Dog.
Rachel: Why is there no Mrs Dog?
Me: Because the story has no Mrs Dog what.
Rachel: Why the story didn't include Mrs Dog leh?
Me: Because because. Because because because.... (*Repeats infinity times, leaving them with no opportunity to interrupt*)

Solution #2 - A Taste of Your Own Medicine

Esther: Why did you say food that human eat is not good for dogs, but you still give Toto apple?
Me: I said some food that human eat are not suitable for dogs, not all.
Esther: Then why cannot eat chocolate har?
Me: Because the dogs cannot digest the chocolate, and they will die lor.
Esther: Why cannot digest leh?
Me: Why are you called Esther leh?
Esther: Huh! (Laughs) No, why cannot digest?
Me: Why? Why are you called Esther? Shouldn't you be called Cockroach?
Esther: NO!!!!!!!!! I am not cockroach. *Forgets previous questions*


****************

Ha, I digressed from my previous scenario to offer solutions. Here is another incident that almost caused my arteries to burst. Esther and Rachel are both at their most hyper-question-asking-mood during lunch.

Esther: Why is the dog......?
.
.
.
.
.
Esther: Why is the ...? (1001st question)

I lost it and raised my voice.
Me: *BOOMS* OKIE THAT IS ENOUGH. WHO EVER ASKS ANOTHER QUESTION SLEEPS WITH UNCLE LAI TONIGHT AND NOT WITH ME!

Both of them obediently became silent because none of them wanted to sleep with my mother or my father. Therefore, peace prevailed and they quietly pecked on their lunch.

After 5 peaceful minutes:

Me: Esther, do you want some more egg?
Rachel: Jie jie, I thought you said no more questions? How come you are asking questions?

I choked on a rice grain for a full minute.


****************

Besides waking me up countless times during the night to tell me they are afriad of thunder, they are thirsty, they need the loo.. they are also effective alarm clocks. Except, I didn't set the alarms at all. My mum woke me up in the morning to move to another bed, since my dad and mum have awokened. I was grateful because I slept late previously at 3 am and needed a better bed, rather than being squashed up by the 2 cousins.

Alas, my blissful slumber was shaken awake by two eager beavers.

Esther: Jie jie. It is 825! Do you want to wake up?
Me: No no. I am very tired. I want to sleep some more.
Both: Ok!

Soon..

Esther: Jie jie! It is 845! Do you want to wake up?
Me: No no no no. I want to SLEEP SOME MORE!!!
Both: Ok!

ZZz..

Esther: Jie jie! It is 900! Do you want to wake up?!?!
Me: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Covers myself beneath blanket*
Esther: HUH!!!!!!! Then what time you want to wake up?
Me: 12 NOON!!!!!!

Zzzzz...

Esther: Jie jie! It is 915!!! Time to wake up.
Me: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I realized I couldn't sleep already. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Who needs a perfectly good snooze alarm clock?! I can happily rent my cousins out.

I am so NOT READY for kids!! In fact, I think they must be the best birth-control pills man.
Posted at 10:51 PM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | 9 beanoes

I was feeling rather stressed-up regarding some pending work. Usually, I try not to bore people by talking about my work. However, sometimes when I am very stressed out, I would try to sound my ideas to sausagelips and I suspect he usually does not have a clue to what I am saying. Nor the interest.

So this day, I was telling him about some research theories and seeking his opinion. He gave me some irrelevant answer and I got a little irritated.

Me: Huh?! What are you talking about. It makes no sense.
Him: HUH? AIYAH, I don't know what you are talking about also. *Sounding impatient*

Thus, I proceeded to try to rephrase my words into more layman-comprehensible terms. But suddenly...

HIM: (YELLING) EH! WHAT ARE YOU EATING?
Me: Huh? (Thinking: I am not eating anything what.)
HIM: (YELLING) WAH EH. EATING POTATO CHIPS. WAH. EAT YOURSELF!

Then, I heard his mother protesting in the background. Apparently, his mother walked past with a bag of potato chips. There were some shuffling of aluminium packaging, some mumbling ... but I GOT REALLY PISSED.

Here I am, talking about important stuff and you just cut me off RUDELY when you see a BAG OF CHIPS?!

I proceeded to yell into the phone for one full minute, trying to project my voice beyond his receiver to alert him of my escalating annoyance.

"OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! HEREIAMTALKINGTOYOUANDTHEREYOUARECONCERNEDABOUTTHEBAGOFSTUPIDCHIPS! OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI!"

But can you believe it? The stupid dense glutton, came back on the line, munching noisily on the chips and chirped:

"YAH?"

YAH!? WTF!!!!! I am talking about research that may revolutionize policies and you YAH?! me after eating chips. GAH!!!!!

So I slammed down the phone.

Period.
Posted at 12:29 PM by missjellybeano/">missjellybeano | any beans?